Archive for the ‘Letters to God’ Category

My Dear Friend Vee

Today I found out that God took my friend away again. And the most things makes me feel miserable is that I found it out after 40 days… I received a message through his whatsapp but actually was sent by his family, broadcast about the praying schedule 40 days after death.

He’s a very good friend of mine. His name is Vee, I used to call him Vee-kun. We met through a mailing list for japan-anime fans when we’re still very young, around 18 yo or so, and we use to go to a lot of Japanese Cosplay and anime event in town. I still remember the last time we were talk, he said that he wants to go to japan with me someday. Never thought that, that word would never accomplish anymore. I didn’t even know that he was sick… I feel truly bad… I feel empty.

Dear God, please take a good care of him

Read Full Post »

happy-new-year copy

I start this year by looking back what I’ve done last year. 2012 may be my most memorable year, since there are a lot thing I wish I did and I did it!

Looking back my memorable year


My high school graduation year, the year I did the most mistake that I can’t undo, and to regret it for the rest of my life. I think there’s a big hole in myself for not attending college. I really want to scream out to those people who are lucky enough to have a normal college life, maybe because I haven’t gone through it, I skipped it. And now I’m officially regretting it. Even if I’m attend a college now, it wouldn’t be fun anymore. I’m much older now. We can’t turn back time. The thing that I’ve missed is not the education, but the moment. The moment you skipping your class and hangout with your friends, the moment your head screwed up for the test and homework. Yeah, the moment…


  • The year I started my little adventure novel, it was untitled back then, this year it’s entitled as “Eutopheim”, now it’s on 120 pages ongoing. It’s been 4 years and not even finish *sigh*
  • Breaking up with my boyfriend after 1 year dating. At that time, I think it’s easy for me to find another guy to date, but even up until now no one can match me… I think I have a bad personality. Mom keep blame me for breaking up with him, Mom still likes him a lot.


  • I attend a concert that was my whole lifetime wish.
  • Have a holiday in another country.
  • Able to play guitar. “No pain no gain”, I believe that hard-work can overcome something. Lately I’m watching a drama which the female lead has the same motto with mine, I get to know it was “L’effort est ma force” in French. Nice one hahaha! Though my fingers are bleeding for it and hurts like hell when I’m typing, it’s worth it. I can do barrechord now, and the 1st barrechord I learned is Bm (B minor). The first song I able to play (of course the simple and most easy one) is “Happy Birthday”!! xD It’s 4 song already with Pablo, Sixpence None The Richer “Kiss Me” , Christina Perri “A Thousand Years”, Taylor Swift “Love Story”, though I can’t play it perfectly, I’m a beginner after all. Remember that I promised my self to buy “Mine” (stands for Takamine-  a guitar brand hahaha), if I could play 10 songs with Pablo, wish this year I could accomplish it.
  • Trying to be healthy by doing exercise which lead me to hospital twice. I’m not young anymore *sigh*

The Fact of year 2013 for me

  • I’m 26 years old this year.
  • I’m heading slowly-for-sure to my 30’s *sigh*
  • More years means to be more mature, not physically (I cannot grow anymore LOL), but mentally.
  • Is it too late for me to attend college at this age? (Lately I keep wishing to undo my 2005…)

Set A Goal

I think my life is empty without goal. So, okay let’s set  a goal, though my goal is just a small little goal for myself that doesn’t related to anybody. Just me and myself:

  • Publish my novel (I need readers, I’m not sure if the story is interesting or not to continue it without any readers.)
  • Play 10 songs with Pablo
  • Buy Samsung Galaxy S4 (goshhhh… not even touch S3 last year but bought a tablet).
  • Quit my job and be a writer.

I do really wish this year will be better than last year for everyone. More cheerful moment, great moment with family and friends, also more romantic moment (pleassseeeeeee????). Hoping that there will be a lot of joy to share, and less sadness.

Last word…

Dear God,  Happy new year!

Please let 2013 be nice to all of us! 😉

Read Full Post »

In this early December, I have a bad news for myself.
My Great-Grandma is passed away, today December 2nd 2011.
She took her last breath before 2 PM at the age of 100.

I don’t really know her; we live apart, separated by the sea. I ever visit her several times when I was a kid (around 8~10 years old), and she also come down to the city several times to visit her son (which is means my Grandpa’s brother).

She really lives a very long life. My Dad (who is her Grandson) already has a grand-daughter (Audrey), so in the other words, she is Audrey’s Great-Great-Grandma but Audrey doesn’t have a chance to see her before she died. Our relatives who live with her also said that she’s having a hard time to move her body and sometimes she unable to recognize them, she suffered dementia (memory loss).

Many people want to have a long life to live, but for some reason I think living a life too long are also had some pains lies there. People around her, peoples she loved dearly with wholeheartedly are leaving her one by one, first her lovely hubby, then her son (my Grandpa), who was died by car accident long time ago when I was a kid.

She lives with my Grandma (her daughter in law), my Auntie (who is her grand-daughter) and my Auntie’s children (it’s 7 kids, it means her Great grandchild), they are living together in a small village.

Tomorrow my Dad will flight there for the funeral. He is her 1st Grandson. Many other relatives who unable comes to the funeral for some reason (I’m one of them).

I’m a deist, who never really pray, but yeah I did (sometimes), especially for the dead.

Dear God, please take care of my Great-Grandma,
She already lives her 100 years with her fullest,
You will gives her some rewards, right? 😉

Read Full Post »

Story of Yue Yue…

Yue Yue is a little girl who got into accident in the middle road, being hit by 2 passing cars, and ignored by 18 people who just walked away like nothing happened. (More details about the accident : 1 | 2)

This below are one comment who is catching my eye, because yeah it’s true.

Just yesterday, My dad told me that when he was in the middle of road, he saw a guy jumping off from his motorcycle (he was on the back), trying to catch a gadget which was dropped from another guy who is riding motorcycle too. he jump-off and grab it, then he shouted “I got BLACKBERRY!!!”, Gosh I wonder what happen to this world. Idk what happen to the guy who dropped his gadget, maybe he’ll found out later =_=

This world is rotten…

Okay back to topic…
It was a very heartbreaking seeing those videos and reading all of the articles, I personally cry when I see this videos. I have a little baby niece, and I don’t think I could just walked away after seeing a bloody 2 years old little baby struggle in the middle of the road.  I show this video to my mom, she was  so shocked and said,

What happen to these people?! Why they didn’t helped her?!

Yes, you’re right mom, that’s the question. They may have their own reasons, that I (or maybe “We”) wouldn’t understand the way they’re thinking. Then my mom said,

Where’s God at that time…
Why God didn’t help her…
God can just blow those cars away so the car cannot hit her…

Okay, about this one, I don’t really know what the best answer. There are too many “maybe” if I answer it… means that’s all only a guess (not brand name).

My mom told me, never have your eyes run-off sight from your baby. Baby is just a baby, they have so many things to be curious about, and will just running around nowhere when they had a chance. So as the parent, we should always keep them in our sight. This accident happen to Yue Yue just around 6-10 minutes out off sight from her mother’s eyes.

If only…

If only her mom didn’t loose the sight of her, this accident might not be happened,
If only the 1st car driver jump-off from his car and help her, she could be saved…
If only the 1st person who passing help her, she might didn’t get hit twice…
There are too many “If”…

Can’t we just open our heart, It’s okay even we are got some trouble, but you could save a life… I really hope this kind of tragic accident won’t happen in any future. Yue Yue is enough to knock out our ice-heart, all for one, and one for all. We can live by holding hands together. Keep the bond, this life can be beautiful.

She’s just an innocent little baby, a little baby who doesn’t know anything about this world. I think this world is too rotten for her to stay…So Good took her away, and take a good care of her from now on.

Rest In Peace Yue Yue, God surely will give you a great life in your next life 😉

Read Full Post »

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.
Rest In Peace Cien, Goodbye my friend.

Rest In Piece – Cien

August 10th 2011

I got a very bad news that…
My beloved friend, Cien, has gone… 😥
God took him away…

Several month ago I was told that he got a cancer, but because the place where I stood is so far from him (We’re on a different city, different island). Me and my friend already have a plan to buy a plane ticket, to visit him there. But plan is only plan, because until today, I have no chance to go there. I was the useless one, I’m holding so much regret now…

Not even once I visit him on the hospital, I only read his  status on his facebook, that he doing chemotherapy, that he’s going to check-up, etc.

I am the one useless… 

I keep asking myself,

Why he had to go…
Why God took him so fast…
Is it because this world is too rotten for him to stay,
that he’s such a very good guy, that’s why God took him

I want to turn back time, I want to buy the plane ticket even it’s very expensive, I want to go there, face him, talk to him, encourage him…

But now, everything is already too late…

I can only say :

“Goodbye Cien…”

God please take care of him, place him right next to You.

Read Full Post »