I’m a person who always suspicious towards other peoples. I’m actually holding on Sherlock art of deduction as my life filter, where I find all people are guilty until they’re deducted into innocence. But today I’m trying to have faith in human, again. And hoping they won’t disappoint me.
I lose my faith in human, when I found out they were talking behind my back, saying something that different from what they said in front of my face. Perhaps it’s human’s natural and can’t be helped. They like gossiping. As for me, that’s the reason why this blog exist.
One day, I was walking on the street, and an old grandma came to me saying that she want to find her son, but get lost, and don’t have money to take a bus ride to find her way back. So I’m giving her some money. Later they told me that it was a new way to con people. But to be truth, as for me, it doesn’t matter with me. Even though I don’t believe in religion and so on, but I think this way, “I’m giving her my money to take a bus ride, and meet her son.”, so if she did really fool me, it’s her matter with her own God, not my business.
And weeks later a well-dressed guy approach me while I’m walking on the street, saying that he was a victim who lost his wallet to a pickpocket. And that he needs some money to take a bus ride (again?). And me, who perhaps people will think that I’m a foolish, gave him some money for that. Actually I did this as I’m trying to have faith in them. Trying to think that this world maybe not that rotten yet. And also paid for the kindness I ever get when I forgot my wallet at home, I was ended up like him that day.
And months later, this old lady saying that she hasn’t eat for 3 days, but this time. I ignore her. she is not a handicap, she was a healthy grown up woman. I think that if she was diligent enough and try to get a job, she’ll just be fine. But after that, even until now, I regret for ignoring her. I should have take her to a porridge store across the street and bought her some porridge. I’m not going to give her money but food instead since she was the one asking for it.
And this time, one of my acquaintances, well we often talk through the phone, I’m as a purchasing and he was the sales marketing. Suddenly he text me and greet me weirdly. He said his mom is doing eye surgery and he’s in a financial struggle this month. He ask me to borrow some money. several bucks (quite much). A slight moment, of course I find him suspicious, I told him that the amount is too much, especially for someone who’s not even my friend. He lower the price and I lend him. He said that he will pay me back on the next payday in the end of the month.
When I give him this money, I already thought the worst scenario, that he would not pay me back, and if he did pay me back, that would be great. To ask money from other people is not an easy thing. I put my feet into his shoes, I try to understand his situation, that it would be a hell embarrassing to ask your friend or people close to you for this little amount of money, you know some people very sensitive about money. So acquaintance would be a better answer, it was like gambling. It would be great if the acquaintance give you the money, but if they won’t, you got no face to lose too. I wonder if someday I ever fall into that situation, will he help me too?
So in the end, it’s all a choice. To help them, or not to. To believe in what they said, or to let yourself be deceived. Oh, I got many people said that I’m foolish for believe in them.
Well, I try to, at least I try to… have faith… again, so that I can be less cynical.
Pieces of Parchment 