Archive for April, 2013

The Bad of Me

Dear diary,

Today something across my mind,

Why can’t I be cute?

In this world, people did not just divided into this 2 clans (the beauty or the ugly duckling). There are many Average people who looks fine, far from the beauty but not close enough to the ugly duckling. You looks just fine (repeat this word on the miror, tell yourself, this is a great therapy for confidence).

But the beauty is not everything, the matter most is the inner, and mine got the terribly one. I’m not usual, I know that I’m not cute at all as a woman.

Laces and Ribbons

When most of women are cute with laces and ribbons, I’m the anti fan of it. For me, lace never look good on me, it’s just too girl-ish. If I got a dress or clothes with laces, I will spend many hours to removed it before I wear it.


Normally, woman is a neat gender, well if you compare to the guy. But there are many guy who are neat-freaks too. And I’m the lazy sloppy one.


I’m pretty ignorant in many ways, especially when it came to a relationship. People who in a relationship tend to text or call each other everytime anywhere, question like “Have you eat?”, “What are you doing?“, “How’s your day?“, etc in japanese word is “Mendokusai” for me, means annoying. I don’t want to know, and I won’t telling you, skip the stupidity. Is it the only way to show that you’re care? That’s why I hate technologies when it  comes to a gadget and smartphone. It makes anything too much easy. And about this, I prefer the classic one, when people have not invent a cellphone because when you missed someone, you will just run to them. 😉

Critical Thinking / Sharp

Critical is when a logic come out first before your heart. Is it Hard to understand?

Okay, so for example when your friend said “I have just got an accident“, and the “Five Ws” is coming up first in your mind as if you’re a Sherlock Holmes.

  • Why did it happen?
  • When did it take place?
  • Where did it take place?
  • What happened?
  • Who is it about?

Instead of a simple heartily question like “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

Being Smart

Being smart is always  a bad-ass. If you’re girl and you’re way too smart, you’re out of league. Guy like stupid girl (but maybe not too stupid either).

There’s a time when I sit next to a couple in a restaurant who was in a stage of “approaching”. I’m not eavesdrop on them, it just happen unintentionally because the guy’s voice is on max stereo -LOL. The guy talks full of bullshit, and the girl keep being amazed. I think I’m quite overheard them since I even know the guy profession is a doctor. The guy keep talking dominantly and the girl only responded “Whoa, really? is that so? Amazing, wow that’s cool, etc etc“. If I was in that position I think I’m gonna yawning and doze-off thousand times.

Maybe I’m not that smart, but I’m someone with a huge curiosity. The curiosity makes me looking for something called knowledge, and I’m just simply “know” it. So for some reason, people can’t fool me in some specs which makes me lose my excitement over something that I already know.

Should I be like that? Being over excited over something he talks about when I think it doesn’t?

I’ve tried it, being like that girl when I got someone I crushed on. At that time I’m doing my best, but It’s draining my life battery. I feel uncomfortable, and wanting-to-go-home-ASAP-disease come up.


Sometimes I don’t want to let people hear what they want to hear. For example when someone bragging about something and hoping for a compliment, and the people who listen used to responded “wow, cool, you’re great, how could you do that?”, but instead I’ll just say “Ah, so?” something like that. It’s hard for me to do sweet talks. 😦

Tsundere (ツンデレ)

What the heck is tsundere?

a Japanese character development process that describes a person who is initially cold and even hostile towards another person before gradually showing his or her warm side over time.  I’m a tsundere, I keep talking and responded by the opposite way. >_<


These things come to my mind after doing my reflection. When people keep saying, “Why are you being single when you’re blah, and blah like this.”, maybe this is the reason for me being single over the years. Physical beauty is not the matter? Indeed. Having an average physical beauty and My inner is sucks, and I think I should fix it. But how?

Do you know the difference between beautiful and pretty?
Beautiful is like when you saw a great art and you can’t imagine them doing cute/funny things because it will crack their beauty. Pretty is simply being cute and lovely. Pretty is also described as beautiful when the beautiful one sometimes is not pretty.
Actresses to describe it  :
Emma Watson and Kristen Stewart on Beautiful League
Teresa Palmer and Saoirse Ronan on Pretty League.

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